Valentine’s Day Musings

Standard

State of the Proxy February 2008, Valentine’s Day Edition

I’ll be talking about real life, so if you don’t like mundane stuff you can stop here.

First off, last year I spent Valentine’s Day at the office working overtime. Now it’s a little better, I’m spending it at home with my beloved PC. :-p

Looking back at January, at the start I thought I could do more posts on this blog. However, it was not to be. That time, I was in a state of panic, depression, and paralysis.

Panic. Perhaps it actually started the day I came back from Japan in late November 2007, and just got shoved in my face when a sudden reorganization at the place I work happened. It was the realization that after 3 years of working at my current job, I hadn’t made significant progress in my personal and professional life. Actually, there was only marginal improvement. As I work in the IT industry, my skills right now might not be enough to compete in the job market if ever I choose to look for another job. I had become too comfortable in my work–I became complacent. I brushed off learning new technologies and gaining new responsibilities as bothersome. I refused to get out of my comfort zone and stagnated. Sad but true. So I frantically tried to come up with a plan to stop my stagnation and spent many nights thinking about it. Actually, I just became…

Depressed. As a pessimist by nature, it wasn’t long before I entertained gloomy thoughts. It seems funny now because I actually attended a seminar regarding positive thinking and I seemed to have forgotten what I learned. Pushing out negative thoughts is easier said than done. And those days of depression led to a state of…

Paralysis. I wasn’t very productive when my stress level was high, but thankfully the work was not as demanding as it was last year (at least for now). And because I wasn’t in the mood for anything really creative, a lot of blog post ideas never got published. Add to that the fact that I am not really that good when it comes to time management. Hence so little was accomplished. Perhaps that was the reason I kept on rewatching my favorite shows instead of watching new ones–I was looking for solace in shows that I really enjoyed.

Maybe I’m just being hard on myself, but right now it does seem I could have, or should have, accomplished more. I have come to the conclusion that, perhaps, I should set my standards for myself higher, accomplish more, do as much as I can. And I’m also hoping that carries over to this blog.

And I’m also hoping everyone enjoys Valentine’s Day, single or not. Ja! 🙂

5 responses »

  1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Are you enjoying your current job? Do you like working for the IT industry? The fact that you haven’t tried to update your skills might indicate some boredom with what you’re doing. There are plenty of doors out there, and if what you’re doing currently isn’t what you enjoy, start to make changes. Look into things that you’re passionate about, and turn your life in those directions. You’ll thank yourself later down the road.

    Also, there’s no need to beat yourself up for not posting enough in this blog. Make little changes one step at a time, and eventually you’ll accomplish everything you want to do. The important things are 1) to keep yourself moving, and 2) to make one change at a time.

    I used to be in a similar situation as you, which is why I sympathize with you. However, you must believe in yourself – you have all the potentials to go in the direction you want. Find a way to mobilize that potential. And if you keep yourself moving, it’ll take your mind off of all the negative self-criticism. Gambatte!

  2. >>The fact that you haven’t tried to update your skills might indicate some boredom with what you’re doing.
    There are times when it is boring, yes. And now I suddenly remember all those negative articles about the software industry. @_@
    >>The important things are 1) to keep yourself moving, and 2) to make one change at a time.
    Well, one thing I’ve noticed is that each new year I seemed to have set vague or too few goals. The end result was something also vague. I haven’t been that forward-looking actually, which I think was due to complacency and the notion that things will still be the same at the office for years. I really took some things for granted.
    Right now I’m reading some books that I think might help me acquire new ways of thinking/perspective. Hopefully I’ll become enlightened or get a good idea or two.
    Asuka, thanks for your comment! 🙂

  3. “There are times when it is boring, yes. And now I suddenly remember all those negative articles about the software industry. @_@”

    Of course, not every job is 100% fun every day of the year. The important question is: Would you be able to enjoy what you’re doing 5-10 years down the road? Would the rewarding days override the boring ones?

    “Well, one thing I’ve noticed is that each new year I seemed to have set vague or too few goals.”

    IMHO too few goals are better than no goals at all. Why not just set ONE small goal right now, then work toward its realization? Doing so will boost your confidence as well as sever the cycle of getting nothing done.

    Not sure if this would be of help to you, but a book I really liked was “Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It” by Burka and Yuen. You might find the goal-setting section of this book particularly enlightening. I know I did.

    Best of luck to you!

  4. >>The important question is: Would you be able to enjoy what you’re doing 5-10 years down the road? Would the rewarding days override the boring ones?

    At this moment I don’t see myself doing the same thing 5-10 years from now–in fact I greatly dislike the idea. However, practical considerations hold me back–what if things get worse instead of better? So I guess it’s safer not to make hasty decisions. But it is indeed frustrating–the realization that you can’t do anything about it immediately.

    >>a book I really liked was “Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It”

    I tried to look for it in my favorite bookstore but couldn’t find it. Instead I found myself buying a ton of other books to add to my book backlog. But I guess reading more for a change isn’t bad at all. Anyway, thanks for the tip! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s